Thursday, September 16, 2010

What happened??

This is going to be a long one so I will start off with the good things.

Mason's first soccer game/practice was last Saturday!! They were all so cute in their uniforms kicking each other in the shins to get the ball and then knocking themselves over in the process!! Here's a picture of him in his uniform!

And on Monday, he started Kindergarten!! My baby is growing up! *sniff* Okay I cried like a baby on the way home and maybe for about a half an hour when we got home. and maybe some the night before too. Here he is for the first day of school.

And now on to the bad!!
I was doing great, really I was. I had lost 4 pounds (not that I could figure out how to go to my ticker and change it, or even post it on here!! LOL) I was feeling great, and getting more self confidence because I felt so great and then BAM just like that, I'm off the wagon. I'm eating everything in sight. I have 5 Reece's peanut butter cups and 2 small siz bags of peanut M&M's. Like today for instance breakfast it was a cheese stick & bacon, egg & cheese on an english muffin, then all the candy, for lunch a ham & 3cheese panini with honey mustard and apple sauce.

I've been under a lot of stress lately and I just feel oevrwhelmed and being an emotional eater, I find comfort in stuffing my face, so I have been. You know what? It feels great.....for about 10 minutes, and then the guilt starts. Why did you do that? You probably just gained back everything you lost, and that walk you took? You blew it fatty!

I really can't wait for Dean to get back to work (who knows when that will be. He was told last month 6 weeks and then yesterday 4 more weeks. His FMLA extension runs out on the 8th of October) even whne he goes back to work we are still going to be worrying about money becuase we've fallen behind on things. I haven't gotten a raise in 3 years and they are going up on health insurance another 10 % in January and 7% on dental. I don't even want to think about co-pays for doctor's appointments. We'd probably be better off if I quit and went on welfare, but I'm not like that and couldn't do it.

My mom's got her health issues going on again, I cna't afford to get involved in her issues when I have so many of my own going on.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

First Blog Award!!!

Shrinking Blubeari was nice enough to give me the Versatile Blogger Award! (THANK YOU< THANK YOU< THANK YOU!!!) I really like these awards for a lot of reasons. 1) They let me tell you a little bit more about myself. 2) They are a way to spread the word about other blogs! So if you don't care about my 7 things, as least go check out the people I tagged- I promise they are all worth reading!! ;-)

Anyway, thanks very much to Blubeari. It makes me feel welcomed into the blogging world!

Here are the rules for this award:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award.
2. Share seven things about yourself.
3. Nominate fifteen newly discovered blogs.
4. Let your nominees know about the award

Here are my 7 things!!

1) I love the color pink!

2) I have always struggled with my weight and as a result my self worth.

3) I'm really shy when I first meet new people. I don't talk a lot unless they start the conversation. It comes of as being stuck up and snobby or as an old co-worker told me (after we became best friends!) prudish

4) I really want another child. We don't have the money or the room for another one, but I really, really want a little girl. (Would love another boy though)

5) My mother and I have a love/hate relationship. It's never been easy for us to get along. I blame her (not totally, I do blame myself too) for things that happened in my child hood.

6) My Nana was my hero, my fondest memories of childhood are being with her. We would go shopping, out to eat, sit and play cards for pennies! (She had this jar that we kept the money in and has a boy and girl kissing on it, so we call it the kissing jar!)

7) I have never gone to a movie alone. I have never even eaten out alone. If I have to do it, I will get delivery, make it at home or just get it to go. I feel like to much of a loser to do it alone.

Now for the blogs I am going to nominate! ( I do apologize if you've already gotten the award, but you deserve it!!) :-) .... CHECK THESE GIRLS OUT!!!
Yesterday I woke up and went walking right away. NO TV, coffee, sitting around in my pajamas like usual. I got up, put on my clothes and shoes, had my son get dressed and we both went out for a walk. It was nice to have company even if I wasn't going as fast as I normally try to, and it gave my husband a chance to sleep in later too. (when I do this, he reciprocates the next day!) So off we went each with a bottle of water, we walked about 3/4 of a mile total but we had fun and got to spend time just talking and walking and catching up. We were home showered and ready to take on the day by 9:30!! After the hubby woke up I emptied the fridge and went shopping to fill it with HEALTHY food. I bought grapes, strawberries, oranges, bananas, blueberries, grapefruit, and low sugar apple sauce.
As I went about the rest of my day I noticed how great I felt. I mean really, really great!! I had energy, i wanted to get out and do things and I felt healthy. While today I did sleep in (a little) I got up and cleaned the kitchen and my bedroom and then did exercises on the ball. You know what? I still feel great!! my knee hurts a little because I need new walking shoes but I feel GREAT!!! I am ready to take on the world and shout off the rooftops! My only question is, how long will this feeling last?

Here is a picture of my son's breakfast (No syrup!) I had the same thing only with nutra grain waffles instead!

Friday, September 3, 2010


I don't know if it's me but I HATE clothes shopping!! I went tonight for a pair of jeans and a couple of shirts. The jeans i needed the shirts not so much but I really hate shopping for clothes for myself. I go into the store and look at all the cool clothes and pick out what I really like and then get into the dressing room to try it on. That's when it hits me how much I hate it. There is NO lying to those mirrors, you look at them and just see a big fat blob. You think you look good and then you look in the mirror and I just want to put my normal clothes back on and run home to throw myself back into bed and cry. I hate feeling like this, like nothing I do will ever make that blob go away, like I can't do it EVER.

Has anyone else felt this way?? AM I really all alone in this?

Thursday, September 2, 2010

getting sidelined

My husband is the kind of guy who can eat whatever he wants and not gain weight. He's weighed 117 pounds forever. When I ask what he wants to have for dinner on any given night it's not usually something I can have and still stick to my diet. It's usually pizza, Chinese food, pancakes & other goodies. Tonight he had Oreo s for dinner. Mason and I had turkey burgers at my aunt's house while Dean was at physical therapy, I asked what he wanted for dinner because I knew he wouldn't eat those and he said he'll grab something....that something was a glass of milk a Oreo's. I LOVE Oreo s, when I was pregnant with Mason (6 LONG years ago) I would go through a package every 2 or 3 days. Oh and did I mention pizza is my most favorite food, like ever?! Really, if I had to choose 1 food to eat for the rest of my life, pizza would be it. So I'm getting sidelined by his snacking and constant want for "bad" foods.